This is for you

I told you this story wasn't going to be easy to read. I'm sure your own story isn't easy either. I want to tell you that you aren't alone. I'm going to tell you that the way you feel right now is only temporary.  I hope you're able to hold on. Hold on to something.  Something that you have always dreamed about. Hold to that little bit of hope. My hope was that being 18 was going to change my life and honestly it really did. I'm not giving much credit or any credit for that matter to God. I believe I have ancestors watching over me. I believe that someone who has seen my cries and seen my pain is watching me. I can feel that. Don't listen to those who make you feel smaller. Find someone who loves you for you.  Someone who loves all of you and if that someone is just you that's fine too. It's beautiful to love yourself. You can show up for yourself,  pull yourself up, hold yourself accountable, cheer yourself on and so much more. You don't have to apologize for being you anymore. You don't have to feel shame for the things you do. Love yourself. Hang on. You got this. 

I want to make note that at the moment I have a very good relationship with my mom. I'm able to ask her questions about her beliefs without causing conflict. Our kids have a very close bond with her even though we aren't in the same state. My dad and I speak and I think we are still trying to figure each other out because I know I put up my barriers and I can't help it. I don't know if that will ever get better. My dad is involved with our kids as well. I have no relationship with my brother. He's been on his own journey. It's not good but his story is not mine to tell. He has his own version I'm sure. The reason he's not in my life though is because he's a drug addict. We can't have that in our family. I hope he will heal and get the help he needs so we can have a healthy conversation and peaceful reunion. Thanks to all of you for supporting my blog. I'll be writing soon about other thoughts and things I believe in now. For now, blessed be. 

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