The Beginning

     My parents were and are very devoted Mormons. They were married 2 or 3 months after meeting. Definitely not enough time to get to know someone or see any red flags which my mom isn't perfect but my dad has MANY red flags. You know how the church is though. You are raised to learn that marrying a returned missionary is part of the plan of happiness and closer to the celestial kingdom.

 Women are raised to be nurturing, loving, and devoted wives and we learn all of that by the age 12. So I guess with this mind set that's why my mom got married so young.  I don't understand what she saw in my dad. I asked and there really is no story to that. If I could go back in time just to see how my mom was before my dad ruined her I would. Im sure she was lovely. She must've been shy or quiet spoken. Now she is pretty loud, blunt, and doesn't take anyone's shit. I can't blame her though. My dad did that.  My dad is what they call a "Disney Land Dad" he's all about play and having all the attention on him. Yes, I am describing a young child but that's exactly what he is. My mom and dad of course didn't get along well. 

They weren't exactly your perfect match. They were complete opposites and not the kind of opposites that attract. My parents were married for 11 years.....could you imagine though... being with someone for 11 years and not really love them. I have never ever heard them say a single nice thing to each other. Not once. 

My parents were unable to conceive a child so they decided to adopt. We were adopted through LDS Family Services. Together,  they took a train and even video recorded the whole thing. It's quite interesting but kinda sweet how excited they seemed go be together. But that's what you need to be in the celestial kingdom. Children. My brother and I were born in Detroit, MI. Our parents were young and couldn't take on much more so we were adopted.  I respect that and have accepted it. I was born first and then a year later my parents got a call from the services that I have a brother. My parents were so happy. They said absolutely! I'm beyond grateful we were adopted together. They might not be the best together but at least they agreed to take us both. 

     You can tell from our scrapbooks that we had a lot of great memories. Im not sure exactly when the last straw was for my mom but the year 2001, things got ugly and ugly very fast. My mom separated from my dad in 2001 and i believe the divorcewas finalized that same year. We went to our grandparents a lot to stay away from my dad while he got his things.  I was about 6 when they were going through things so I remember bits and pieces here and there and as I get older I'm getting flashbacks of memories I didn't know I had but I know they're real. Things are really adding up.  The moment I remember the most is when an officer came to the house while my dad was in the shower. He had a towel on at least and he had this cocky attitude that he's done nothing wrong especially since he was in the shower.  He had just finished beating my mom in my room. The beatings always took place in my room. Hardly ever my brothers.  I wish I knew my brothers point of view but I don't. My kids are currently 6, 5, and 1. I can't even imagine putting them through such a situation. I don't know if my dad was arrested on that day but that's where the memory ends. I had just started first grade when fall came around.  I was such a problem child. I teased kids and played when I was supposed to be quiet or I talked back to my teacher just your average kid obviously going through a hard time at home and constantly getting sent to the principals office. I knew at a young age I was never going to be good enough. Not good enough for my dad to stay in our lives. When he moved out, he left. He wasn't really apart of mine and my brothers life. He had these visits every other week and it would only be like an hour or so at a time. They were called supervised visits. Someone just watches you have "fun" with your parent and then it's over. I was always sad when the visit was over. My mom was always bitter and always saying something about my dad in a negative way. Then eventually I couldn't look at him in any other way. I grew to hate him. My feelings later on were not just because of my mom but because of how he treated me and my brother. It was like he could no longer physically abuse our mom so he went on to emotional abuse towards us instead.